How to Earn More Respect as a Leader
Most of us claim we'd rather be respected than liked. But if you examine your actions closely, you might discover a troubling truth: your behavior often reveals a deeper desire to be liked than respected.
The Hidden Cost of Likability
Mid-career managers and directors often find themselves trapped in a likability prison of their own making. The symptoms are everywhere:
Withholding necessary feedback to avoid uncomfortable conversations
Remaining silent when you disagree with the group consensus
Saying "yes" to projects and meetings that drain your time and energy
Doing your team's work for them rather than holding them accountable
Seeking permission instead of taking decisive action
These behaviors might win you temporary approval, but they come at a steep price. Your desire to maintain harmony undermines your authority, prevents your team from growing, and ultimately diminishes your impact as a leader.
The Corporate Conformity Trap
Corporate environments often unintentionally reinforce this pattern. The social dynamics of organizations create powerful currents that push people toward conformity and conflict avoidance. When everyone seems to be nodding in agreement, the risk of speaking up feels heightened.
As one leader reflected: "I want to lead with more confidence, but I’m not even sure what that means. I don’t know what needs to change, and even if I did, I’m nervous about making a change at this point in my career.”
This tension between authenticity and conformity creates a discomfort that many try to resolve by leaning further into likability—precisely the opposite of what creates respect.
The Path to Earned Respect
Becoming a respected leader requires embracing discomfort and developing the courage to act differently. Here are five essential ways to shift your approach:
1. Give Direct, Constructive Feedback
Respected leaders don't shy away from difficult conversations. When you see something that needs improvement, address it directly with the person involved. Provide specific observations, explain the impact, and offer suggestions for improvement.
This doesn't mean being harsh. Feedback delivered with genuine care for the person's growth is one of the most valuable gifts you can offer. Remember that avoiding these conversations deprives others of the opportunity to improve. Read the full article on giving constructive feedback.
2. Voice Your Authentic Perspective
When you disagree with the direction a conversation is heading, speak up. Your unique viewpoint is valuable, particularly when it challenges groupthink.
Start with phrases like "I see this differently" or "I'd like to offer another perspective" to introduce your thinking without creating defensiveness. The courage to express a contrary view, especially when done thoughtfully, earns profound respect.
3. Be More Assertive
Stop waiting for permission to move forward on initiatives that matter. Make decisions within your realm of authority, take action, and then inform relevant stakeholders.
This doesn't mean operating in isolation—it means taking ownership of your work and having the confidence to advance projects without excessive deliberation or approval-seeking. Assertiveness signals leadership competence and builds respect far more effectively than seeking constant approval.
4. Learn to Say No
Respected leaders protect their time and energy by saying no to commitments that don't align with their priorities. When invited to meetings, asked to join projects, or requested to provide help that doesn't serve your primary objectives, politely decline.
Saying no demonstrates that you value your time and have clear priorities. Rather than diminishing relationships, this boundary-setting actually increases others' respect for you and your judgment. People respect leaders who are selective about where they invest their energy.
5. Hold Others Accountable
When your team delivers work that falls short of expectations, resist the urge to fix it yourself. Instead, clearly articulate the gap between what was delivered and what's needed, then return the work for improvement.
This practice:
Demonstrates your commitment to excellence
Provides a learning opportunity for team members
Establishes clear standards for future work
Builds a culture of ownership and accountability
Finding the Balance
The most effective leaders find ways to be both respected and liked—not by compromising their standards, but by bringing humanity to their leadership approach. You can be direct, decisive, and hold high standards while still being kind, supportive, and empathetic.
As one executive discovered: "When I stopped trying so hard to be liked and started focusing on being clear, fair, and consistent, something unexpected happened. My relationships actually improved. People knew exactly where they stood with me, and that created a different kind of trust than I had before."
The Courage to Lead Differently
Breaking free from the likability trap requires courage. It means risking temporary discomfort for long-term growth and impact. Yet this is precisely what distinguishes true leaders from those who merely hold leadership positions.
Choose one area this week where you'll prioritize respect over likability. Give the feedback you've been avoiding. Voice your honest opinion in your next meeting. Hold someone accountable instead of doing their work for them. Say "no" to a commitment that doesn't deserve your time.
Pick a specific area at work where you’ll prioritize respect over likability, then notice what happens—not just to how others perceive you, but to how you feel about yourself as a leader. The path to authentic leadership isn't found in universal approval, but in the earned respect that comes from courage, clarity, and unwavering commitment to growth—both your own and others'.
The question isn't whether you want to be respected or liked. It's whether you have the courage to act in ways that earn genuine respect, even when doing so feels uncomfortable. That's the true test of leadership, and it's one you have the power to pass every day.
Listen to the extended version of this article on Do Something Different.
